It's August...

It's August... Last days of Summer (Indian Summer through September, right?) back-to-school preparations (shiny, new school gear, backpacks, laptops, & clothes) and the teeniest, earliest thoughts of the coming holiday season... lots of opportunity to contemplate renewal, re-starts, beginnings - there's a newness in the air that begins to evolve this month of August and carries through September. August/September - the early Fall season - always instigated this sense of newness, change, starting all-over-again as opportunity for change seems to present itself. And so, I attempt to open myself to the opportunities that I do see, those just peeking around the corner, and I will begin.
These past months leading up to now have been most difficult. There has been loss and more loss - related adjustments to be made. I am still reeling within the throes of those adjustments, working so hard to make sense of it all - not really succeeding, at least not-quite-yet... But, I do persevere. March through April was spent re-locating from my beloved apartment home. My youngest son left to Marine boot camp - he himself embarking on a new, brave life's path. May brought the loss of my mother, my only remaining parent - she battled for three years before succumbing. And, yet, despite that sorrow (it's with me, still, have no doubt) I was able to celebrate my son's joyous graduation in June. My heart is over-run with joy, with pride... We watched 4th of July fireworks together. He left to continue his training. I went back to work.
I have spent these last weeks attempting to implement changes to my online business - I want that to grow and be successful so badly! And, I realise that there can be no success as long as procrastination has such a hold of me. There can be no success without hard work and devoted determination. In light of that achknowledgement, I make these few notes, begin to explore new avenues, and make ready to really grow my business and create the success that is mine.
I do miss my mother. Sometimes I feel at such a loss, because I can't just call her and listen to her voice, hear her words of encouragement, tease her beloved dorkiness (yes, it's inherited)... not anymore. Why do we never realise what we have until we have it no longer?
With that query, I promise myself to do all that I had commited to, achieve all that I intend, and to not neglect what I have - my beloved family and friends, my job, my work, my life... I go on.

March 2010

It's March... these past days to weeks are passing by much too quickly with seemingly little accomplished. I perservere...
I could say that a lot has been going on - but, it really hasn't been any more than the usual. There is my "day job" (lots of changes going on at that venue, but that's another topic for another day)... there is the home front and family issues, personal emotional issues that I determinedly, diligently work at daily - I will survive this... there is my website and internet "business" ( SweetPea and Violets ) that I (sort of) work so hard at... I admit, days will go by and I haven't even glimpsed at the site, let alone checked the email accounts...
My birthday came and went this past February - and, I have to admit, it was a better day than last year was... spent with friends from work, I finally experienced a modicum of feeling valued and loved by others. What a nice feeling that was. Dinner out, then a "girls nite" a few days later. I kind of enjoyed my birthday week. With that anniversary came the typical re-examination of life... where I am, what I want, aspirations, goals, etc. I looked at everything - economical, physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual - and came to conclusions of those changes I must implement if I truly intend to get any where in reaching those (some think far-fetched) ambitions of mine. I still kind-of weave back-and-forth, but... I'm working on it.
So, with the intro to this new month of March - Spring is on its way - I renew the meditation practice, make the decision to "be more green", incorporate a more "organic" way/style of nutrition & supplement (need the vitamins, yes, indeed), utilize more of the essential oil practice in, not just aroma therapy as-such, but in other personal care usage (shampoo, soaps, lotions, bath products, etc)... I like it. I have to say, indulging in an essential oil over-nite hair wrap is quite theraputic. I slept marvelously better than in forever.
Along with those baby-steps I am incorporating into daily life, I have renewed my intention to finish that (long-postponed) degree work. Put that off for much too long and it is more than time to pick up the books once again. With that in mind (I won't begin the actual legitimate coursework 'til April/May) I picked up a book I had forgotten about... Fritjof Capra's "Web of Life" is more math and science than anything else, but even in re-acquainting myself with long forgotten formulas, etc, including brief histories of the origins of those different schools of scientific thought and practice and the men and women behind them, I cannot help but be pleased with the connection I feel with the spiritual metaphysics that is my own interest. I know, it's dated (first published 1996) so, obviously there's been new discoveries, etc, since - but, though I am admittedly no mathematician or scientist of any sort, it's fascinating... It encourages me. I see the connection Capra talks of - the Web that connects us all.
more to come...

Welcome 2010...

a look back...
Another year has come and gone - and they do seem to move much too quickly these days. I often ask myself: where has the time gone? Each week begins and ends too soon for me...
This New Year dawned quietly, for me... another ushered in, in solitude. I must do something about that - but, what? Try to grow my newly developing circle of family, friends, acquaintances? I'm working on it... as I seem to be working on everything in my life, lately. Changes are brewing. Hard, difficult "I-must-grow-and-evolve" changes...

I've now lived in Valencia for 2 years (this April)... re-locating has been the most optimistic achievement I've managed. Still love my apartment - though I am thinking of down-sizing... Still "decorating", adding new touches here and there...
2009 brought other changes: from part-time to full-time at my real-time retail job (a welcome change, that one, in these hard-pressed economic times - so grateful for my job!)... new friends made at work during the holidays (you know who you are!);
a new addition to the family: daughter Lavinia gave birth to darling Madeleine Charlette on October 2nd... With additions, there always comes loss of beloved, favorite family members (I love you "Pap") and, of course, there were personal changes for me...

And, I doggedly continue with SweetPea & Violets: Recently re-named "SweetPea & Violets Aromatherapy Boutique", as I pursue my dream of a brick-n-mortar storefront here in Valencia - I think it will fit right in.