End of Month Update...

It has been exactly a week since my dear Uncle Joe was laid to rest. Goodness, but his passing was a bit of a blow. That he should make his exit on my mother's birthday... and just after calling her with felicitous birthday wishes. A part of me is still in a bit of a shock. I can only imagine how my cousin, his daughter, must be reeling from the blow - not to mention the rest of his family: wife, younger daughter, grandchildren... all and everyone that knew and loved him. He was quite a character.
I think about my uncle, my own mother's near-death illness of the past year... and I am faced with the truth of my own mortality as it stares at me just a bit more closely than I am comfortable with, I must also admit. I suppose Death is our constant companion all throughout our lives, a given, as much as many of us would think (believe) or even convince ourselves otherwise.
It does (these events), however, insist that I really look at the life I have lived and examine just how I would continue... There is a need to acknowledge (at least for me) the necessity of "living life to its fullest" (I know - what a cliche)... How does one do that???? Extremists risk-taking? I don't know... I am slightly unsure. Too old to be that unsure!!! But, yes, yes, yes... one, anyone, I must live each day as fully as possible - not so much crammed-full of activities that would threaten to numb both mind and body, but with feeling. With ideas and awareness of our surroundings - the world we live in and those who populate it. And that leads me to my own personal thankfulness for my world - this Earth - and yes, thankfulness for all those that have been integral to my development throughout my lifetime... even those who have brought such sadness or pain, anger, disappointment... all have been necessary for growth. I know that. Even if I wasn't quite so thrilled with the happenings at the time.
So, I choose to take this time, those past experiences, and move forward. Educate myself as much as possible (neverending, that one). Offer those daily prayers of thanksgiving for all that was, is and will become.
I must be honest here... one of the indulgences I allowed myself over the past weekend was the reading of the Twilight series of books. I know, I know... where have I been? I recall when the series first came out (via my book club notices) and I purposely chose at the time to not allow myself to become enthralled. I do have a tendency to become... infatuated with a series - or character, more like. I have pretty much all of the R Salvatore "Dark Elf" books, the Harry Potter volumes (and DVDs)... Stephen King's "Gunslinger" series... (I could go on and on with my "list") I love fantasy fiction. In any case, to get back on track here, reading those books did their bit in adding to that teensy bout of melancholy I indulged in, if only for 24 hours. You know - the mortality acknowledgement brought by my uncle's death, swiftly followed by the nod at my own fast approaching birthday... Sometimes I absolutely detest getting older. The fear that life has/is passing me by with so much undone. And then, what? I realise that there is so much more to do! So much more to "live", to experience, to learn. For myself. Yes, yes, those who populate my "world" will have a share, a part, but (and forgive me, don't misunderstand) I need, I must live for myself. And, so, as I go on with the studies, the work (the website!), the personal growth, the evolvement - I make every effort to take all I can from the "lessons" while simultaneously sharing all I've had (and will have) the priviledge to glean with any, with all I come into contact with. You've been forewarned.
p.s. SweetPea & Violet's January Newsletter for any interested...